Love Me or Trigger Me, But Don’t Lie to Me
Valentine's - “for most it's fear in pretty dress”
Why Valentine’s Day exposes how deeply you actually love yourself
Let me ask you something that most Valentine’s Day posts will never dare to ask.
Do you actually feel loved inside yourself?
Not dressed up love.
Not Instagram love.
Not date night love.
I mean the kind of love that lives in your chest when no one is watching.
The kind that doesn’t need approval.
The kind that doesn’t get threatened when someone else shines.
Because here is the truth most people do not want to hear.
If you are feeling jealous, bitter, competitive, resentful, hateful, judgmental, or constantly triggered by other people, that is not because the world is broken.
That is because something inside of you is hurting.
And Valentine’s Day, of all days, is the perfect mirror for that.
Love Is Not a Transaction, It Is a Frequency
The world has turned Valentine’s Day into a performance.
Buy the chocolates.
Send the flowers.
Go to dinner.
Smile for the camera.
But love is not what you do for someone.
Love is what you are.
And right now, most of the planet is not operating from love.
It is operating from fear.
Fear of not being enough.
Fear of being left.
Fear of being replaced.
Fear of not being chosen.
Fear of not mattering.
And when fear runs the nervous system, love gets strangled.
That is why people gossip.
Why they judge.
Why they attack.
Why they compete.
Why they hoard.
Why they withdraw.
Why they lash out.
These are not personality flaws.
These are self protection strategies.
But they also cut you off from the very thing you say you want.
Connection.
Intimacy.
Joy.
Freedom.
Peace.
You cannot be armored and open at the same time.
Your Triggers Are Not About Them
This is where it gets uncomfortable.
The person you are angry at.
The person you are jealous of.
The person you are criticizing.
The person you cannot stand.
They are not the problem.
They are the mirror.
They are showing you where you still feel small.
Where you still feel unworthy.
Where you still feel unseen.
Where you still feel unsafe.
If you were deeply rooted in self love, someone else’s success would not threaten you.
Someone else’s happiness would not irritate you.
Someone else’s difference would not trigger you.
You would simply be you.
At peace.
But when love is missing inside, everything outside feels like an attack.
Even Your Partner Is Your Mirror
People love to romanticize relationships.
But your partner is not there to complete you.
They are there to reveal you.
The way you speak to them.
The way you resent them.
The way you blame them.
The way you cling to them.
The way you avoid them.
It is all a reflection of how you treat yourself.
You do not choose partners randomly.
You choose people who match your emotional frequency.
So if you are in chaos, you will find chaos.
If you are in fear, you will find fear.
If you are in love, you will find love.
And if you do not like what you see, it is not a sign to attack them.
It is a sign to come home to you.
Your Kids Are Showing You Your Inner Child
Children trigger us because they bring our unhealed parts to the surface.
They show us where we still feel powerless.
Where we still feel unseen.
Where we still feel unsafe.
Your Children Are Not the Problem, They Are the Messengers
Every time a grown-up who is hurting makes a child cry, something far deeper than a bad moment is happening.
You are not just upsetting them.
You are interrupting their nervous system.
You are disrupting their sense of safety.
You are shaking their belief in who they are.
You are confusing their purpose
A child is born in alignment.
They are curious.
Creative.
Open.
Trusting.
Flowing.
That is their natural state.
When you yell at them, shame them, belittle them, ignore them, or project your own pain onto them, you are teaching their body that love is unsafe.
You are wiring their nervous system for fear instead of ease.
For survival instead of joy.
For people pleasing instead of self trust.
And here is the part that hurts the most.
You are not doing this because you are cruel.
You are doing it because you are still hurting.
Your inner child never got the love, safety, and attunement she needed, so when your child shows big emotions, needs, or vulnerability, it triggers the parts of you that were never allowed to feel.
So you react.
But when you attack a child from your wound, you are also deepening your own.
You are reinforcing the same pattern that hurt you.
You are teaching your nervous system that love equals threat, again.
And your child learns the same.
This is how trauma travels through generations.
But it can stop with you.
You do love your child.
Of course you do.
But love is not what you feel.
Love is what you show.
Love is patience.
Safety.
Listening.
Repair.
Gentleness.
Emotional presence.
If you were never given that, you were never taught how to give it.
So this is not about blame.
This is about responsibility.
You can forgive yourself.
And you can do better.
By going inside.
By healing the little one in you.
By letting your heart open instead of armoring.
That is how you become the parent who teaches love, not fear.
Love Lives in the Heart, Not the Performance
The heart is not just poetic.
It is neurological.
It has its own intelligence.
Its own memory.
Its own electromagnetic field.
The heart is where your creativity, intuition, and connection to life lives.
That is why ancient wisdom and modern science agree.
In the Bible, Proverbs tells us,
“Guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”
Not guard your thoughts.
Not guard your actions.
Guard your heart.
Because what lives there shapes everything.
And if your heart is full of resentment, fear, and old wounds, that is what you will keep creating.
Valentine’s Day Is a Portal
So yes, buy the flowers.
Wear the red dress.
Go to dinner.
But also do this.
Sit with yourself.
Notice who you are angry at.
Notice who you are judging.
Notice who you are competing with.
Notice who you are resenting.
And instead of projecting it outward, bring it inward.
Ask yourself,
What inside of me is still asking for love?
That is where your real work is.
That is where your freedom lives.
Because you cannot create a loving life while you are at war with yourself.
Love Is the Ultimate Liberation
You want joy.
You want ease.
You want abundance.
You want freedom.
You want deep connection.
But you will not find those things out there.
You find them when you clean up what is blocking them inside.
When you heal the generational wounds.
The childhood hurts.
The stored grief.
The old stories.
And you allow your heart to open again.
That is not weakness.
That is power.
So this Valentine’s Day, do not just love someone else.
Love yourself fiercely enough to let go of what is no longer you.
That is the sexiest thing you could ever do for yourself and anyone that has to be with you on this planet. 💋❤️
